Das alte LeidIn this storyline, Alexander is the main character, following the events of his life since childhood, with Satomi as a secondary main character introduced later on. The main themes are of loneliness and interpersonal relationships, with secondary themes of suicide and general mental health, trauma, politics and war.General time period is the late 2000s throughout the 2010s, with some flashbacks to the 1980s-90s.
General setting of Coastal California and Eastern Germany, some flashbacks to Iran.
Alexander ‘Sasha’ Markazi wears his heart on his sleeve, whether he intends to or not. Born in Tehran and raised in Berlin, Sasha considers himself the average German man who just happens to live in Northern California, but wont tell why he made the trek. Long time lover of electronic music and Adidas loyalist, thought about being in a band one or twice.½ Persian, ¼ Armenian, ¼ Tat
Borderline
5'10"/177.8 cm
He/Him
Bisexual Cis Male
Born October 29th, 1979 (Scorpio)
Satomi Tamashiro is an awkward and somewhat off putting person, college masters program drop out, and former shut in. Satomi is nonbinary (demigender). Given their shy and almost stoic dementor, explosive outbursts of emotion from them catch many off guard.½ Hawaiian, ¼ Okinawan, ¼ Japanese
Autistic
5'5"/165 cm
They/He/She
nbLm Nonbinary
Born September 13th, 1985 (Virgo)
Fatemeh Aghayev and Mirza Markazi
Mirza and Fatemeh (80s)
Jacek Müller
Jacek (2000s)
Anahita Markazi
Alexander and Satomi's child
Chikako Tamashiro
Satomi's mother
In the early 80s in Tehran, Fatemeh and her son, Eskander, are frequently left to fend for themselves alone, as Mirza is rarely home, coming back seldomly to sleep or eat. He is no longer involved with the Tudeh Party, the main communist party of Iran that both he and Fatemeh were members of, but now working with the Organization of Iranian People's Fedai Guerrillas, an underground organization, with Mirza involving himself with weapons smuggling for a hypothetical counter-revolution. Mirza and Fatemeh had ideological differences, Mirza being completely against the new government, but Fatemeh not completely opposed, as she viewed herself as a Shia Marxist, and did not believe in the instating of an atheist government like Mirza would, but was still able to see the faults of the new Islamic Republic. Due to the ban on the communist party, Mirza was always at the risk of arrest, but given the work he was doing, arrest meant execution, so he stayed away from Fatemeh and his son Eskander as much as possible as to not put them in danger, beginning the disconnect he had with his son. As the work became more and more dangerous, and the war against Iraq waged on, Mirza understood that he and his family would need to flee Iran soon. Many of the Tudeh Party members he had known were in exile in East Germany, setting Mirza’s sights on relocating his family to East Berlin. In 1984, they would flee Iran with forged visas, and make their way to Frankfurt, West Germany. In the process of gaining citizenship to East Germany, Mirza made the decision to anglicize his son’s name from Eskander to Alexander. From there, they began to live their lives in political exile from Iran in East Germany.Fatemeh had already begun to grow unhappy in her relationship with Mirza, the two never having married, but after immigration to Germany, her relationship with him began to plummet. She would find comfort in one of her neighbors in the apartment block they lived in, a woman named Monika Weber, who was also dissatisfied with her husband, and a brief relationship began between the two. Fatemeh would still feel unhappy in Germany, feeling as if she had abandoned her home country in its greatest time of need. This feeling came to a climax when she announced to Mirza that she would be returning to Iran, and that she would leave Alexander with him for his well being in 1987. Mirza did not protest, as he did understand how she felt. Fatemeh would leave her son and his father and return to Iran.Now without his mother and only with the father he barely knew, Alexander felt incredibly alone in his first few years in Germany. He didn’t have friends to play with, as he didn’t speak German, leaving him only with his father. Mirza was not outright abusive to his son, but he was neglectful. He didn’t understand how to connect with his son, nor how to really speak to him, as he was not very good at picking up emotional cues, and was a monotone, non-expressive person himself. Once Alexander had a better grasp on the German language, he began to befriend the kids in his apartment block, most noticeably a boy a couple months older than him, a half Polish boy named Jacek Müller. The two boys became close friends, and whatever Alexander couldn’t find at home, he found in the Müller’s family, such as eating dinners with them and even being invited to Christmas trips to Poland. Most of the friends Alexander made were of Slavic descent, who gave him the nickname ‘Sasha’, which Alexanders and Alexandras are referred to in Eastern Europe, which Sasha would go by as to his friends to this day.
As the two grew older, Sasha’s relationship with Jacek grew more and more dependent on him. Jacek carried him through school, but now in their adult years the relationship became parasitic. Sasha relied on Jacek to live essentially, and felt severe separation anxiety whenever a conflict arose between the two. The two had on and off romantic relationships, and Jacek did believe that he loved Sasha, but as the years went on, Sasha’s self-sabotaging behaviors grew more and more frustrating to tolerate. Sasha couldn’t depend on himself financially, as he couldn’t keep a job longer than 6 months, either quitting or finding a way to be fired,as he believed that things were going too good, and that they had to come to an end before a disaster struck. Sasha also struggled with the feelings of being unloved, and would seek it up in any way he could, resulting in frequent one night stands and short lived relationships when in an off period with Jacek. Jacek begrudgingly tolerated this behavior, but to anyone else it was unacceptable, ruining many the relationships Sasha had.Jacek had gone into university for computer sciences, and in 2007, he was given a job opportunity in San Francisco, America. Not only was it a wonderful career opportunity, but it was a chance to break off his relationship with Sasha indirectly. Jacek had never gotten to live for himself, it was always to support Sasha, then himself, and Jacek had grown tired and frustrated of living like that. They were both 28 years old, and yet Sasha lived as if he were 18, and it was unfair that Jacek had to take the role of caretaker. Jacek accepted the job position, and hastily told Sasha that he was leaving without him. Jacek came to almost regret his decision, seeing how utterly distraught Sasha was. As Jacek began departure and boarded his plane, Sasha sobbed publicly in the airport. Unable to live alone, Sasha moved back into his childhood home with his father Mirza. From here, Sasha’s mental state would spiral downhill, with highly emotional outbursts even more frequent than they already were, and especially becoming more hostile. Without his favorite person to support him, Sasha was in a state of dissociation and riding along with any emotion he was feeling at the moment, which eventually led to clashes with his father, who couldn’t understand why his son was feeling or acting so irrationally and impulsively. After a year of passive aggression between the two, Sasha would turn their cold war hot, having a physical fight with his father in a state of rage, leaving Mirza with a black eye, broken nose, and fractured ribs from being kicked repeatedly once he fell to the floor. Once it was over, Sasha was finally completely there, no longer enraged or dissociated, the weight of his actions dawned upon him. Mirza was rushed to a hospital, and when questioned who had done this to him, Mirza tells the doctors that some burglar had attacked him whilst trying to rob his apartment, and that his son Alexander had fought them off before rushing Mirza to the hospital, in order to protect his son from any legal prosecution. Once the two of them are alone, Mirza expresses his disappointment and shame in Sasha. Sasha is then disowned by his father.
Kicked out of his current home, Sasha sees nowhere to turn but Jacek. He begs Jacek to let him back into his life and how he has nowhere to go, withholding why he is now homeless to Jacek, and Jacek does let Sasha move to America to live with him in early 2009. When living with Jacek, Sasha reverts to many of his old behaviors in being unable to hold a job, but now is also in the beginning of a depressive state. His biggest fear was abandonment, and now he was abandoned by both of his parents. To Jacek, he sees that he and Sasha are both about to turn 30 years old, and that he is an adult but Sasha is still in the mindset of a child, and makes the decision to slowly wean him off. After a year of living with each other and Sasha stumbling with his jobs, Jacek breaks up with Sasha one final time, and kicks him out. Sasha is devastated, not only was he now homeless again, but the one person he feared would leave him the most, his favorite person, has left him for good. Sasha leaves Jacek and San Francisco early that morning, and checks into a motel a few hours south, where he would live for a couple weeks. Living alone for the first time in his life with no form of support system, Sasha is fixated on the thought of dying. It begins with little things, like not feeding himself or drinking water, but he does have bigger plans. However, in his hopes of a suicide attempt, his maladaptive behaviors catch up to him first, rendering him unconscious while at what he thought was his last shift at work. When he awakes, he finds himself hospitalized. When questioned, he insinuates that he was intending to commit suicide, and promptly placed in a 72-hour hold. Afterwards, he is admitted to outpatient therapy sessions, during which in this time period, he is diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. After more sessions in the following months, he begins to realize that he is not like the other members, and the staff simultaneously begin to realize this too. After a re-diagnosis, Sasha is correctly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Given the new diagnosis and a new therapist, Sasha finally begins to recover.
Satomi Tamashiro lived a relatively quaint life in their native Honolulu, born in 1985 and living with their mother, Chikako Tamashiro, in their uncle's home with his wife and two children. Chikako could be distant as a parent due to her work out in the field and in the university, being a marine biologist, so Satomi was primarily raised by their uncle Ogata alongside his two daughters. A shy and awkward child, they rarely interacted with their peers and performed poorly in activities they participated in. By the age of 10, Satomi was diagnosed with both autism and social anxiety. The trends set in their childhood would continue in life, thus Satomi had poor social skills when compared to their peers, and very few friends. In an attempt to better connect with their mother, Satomi would pursue studies in marine biology as well.In 2004, Satomi Tamashiro moved from their home in Honolulu to Monterey Bay to attend college at the California State University-Monterey Bay, majoring in marine botany. When Satomi entered college, they felt that they were socially stunted compared their peers. They had never had a relationship before, it had never interested them, and was a virgin. In their mind, they felt that these had to change once they entered college, due to societal pressure to hit these milestones by their 20s. This led to them rushing into their first relationship with a classmate who was too eager to enter his first relationship as well. Satomi was with this man and slowly began to realize that his reasoning of entering a relationship with them was due to fetishization, Satomi being some type of "foreign doll" to him. It was a slow realization, given that they tried to deny it and convince themself that they did love each other, though they didn’t even like him that much. After sleeping with him, everything began to hit them. The fact that they were being used as an object, that he expected them to be his submissive girlfriend who serves him, the fact that their body had been used. In the next passing days, they would dump him with little explanation.
Already having a low self esteem, this began to break Satomi little by little. Already feeling used, any next few relationships they tried to have to make up for the first one ended with them being left behind, as no man wanted to fix a 'broken woman'. More and more, they began to fall into a depression, eventually stopping taking care of themself, stopping doing her schoolwork, stopping interacting with people and leaving her dorm room. Once the depression was at its worst, Satomi began to spiral, completely unable to interact with others, and completely halted going to classes altogether. They realized that they couldn't take anymore humiliation, that they couldn’t be there anymore. Satomi would drop out of college in 2007, age 22.
Out of school in a city where they know no one, Satomi retreats into their room. They rarely leave their apartment, let alone their room. They live off of the money that they had left that was meant for school. Satomi wouldn't be going back home to Hawai'i either, they were not well liked by their uncle's family, contempt for Satomi being an extension for contempt for Chikako. They indulge in escapism, playing video games and browsing the internet for hours on end. For months on end, Satomi has almost zero interaction with people face-to-face, and enters a state where social interaction with others becomes a genuinely difficult task. They would develop self-harming behaviors in this time, such as biting their arms and tearing the hairs out of their eyebrows and lashes. To attempt to numb everything, Satomi would also turn to alcohol. After a year of this, the money runs out, and they must provide for themself. The year is 2008, and Satomi gets a job. It’s a waitress position at a small 24 hour diner, with bad, cheap food that they disliked but tolerated. They opt for the graveyard shift to avoid as much social interaction as possible, not talking to their coworkers aside from the bare minimum and spend their breaks in their car playing on their phone or DS.Forward three years, and a new regular goes to the diner, curiously at the hours of Satomi’s late night shifts, named Alexander. Brief conversations spark between the two, oddly enough finding each other very similar. Alexander was preparing for a night shift security job, so came at night to change his sleep schedule. Satomi opens up from their shell talking to him, and the two become friends. As the time goes on, the two become closer than friends. Sasha influences Satomi to become more assertive and braver, while he becomes a kinder person, finally responsible for his actions. They accommodate for each other’s conditions, given that they both have neurodivergent forms of communication that they both understand. A romantic relationship would begin between the two in 2013, when Satomi was 28 and Sasha was 34.
Real conflict between the two in 2015, when Satomi is now carrying an unplanned child. Both them and Sasha are afraid to be parents, Sasha especially afraid to make the same mistakes that his parents made. Satomi experiences both sensory discomfort and gender dysphoria throughout most of their pregnancy, essentially having sensory overloads daily with little time to recover, and was unable to turn to their old coping mechanism in alcohol. Their baby, Anahita, was born in July of 2016. Satomi is now in an exceptionally long postpartum depression, turning to their old self-harming behaviors such as biting their arms and trichotillomania, and reluctance to leave their room and avoid any more stimuli. In their absence, Sasha takes on both a maternal and paternal role in place of Satomi for their infant daughter, as well as being the breadwinner for his family. He takes out the frustration that had been building up on Satomi, enraged that they won't step up to take care of their child unless he pushes them to, but Satomi swears that they are trying, as hard as they can, and is aware that it isn’t good enough. Satomi can’t find it in themself to care as much as they should, and they know it is wrong.
Sasha concedes to Satomi’s words, and attempts kinder ways to encourage Satomi to interact more with Anahita. Eventually this does work as Anahita grows older, as Satomi recognizes that she is like them when they were a young child. By the time Anahita is 2 years old, Satomi is an adequate parent to her. At this same time, in 2018, Sasha poses the question of marriage, though it is somewhat an alien concept to the two, given that their parents never married. Despite this, Satomi does agree, and the two have a courthouse wedding.
